ASAP-BOOT CAMP

A-always

S-say

A

P-pray

Two women in Alabasater, Alabama on November 10, 1999 were on their way home from work, when one of them cut the other one off in busy traffic.  The anger flared and a pursuit of four or five miles began.  Exchanging insults, obscene gestures, their tempers contined to burn.  Both women got off at the same exit.  Evidently the woman in the lead car stopped and got out of her vehicle, flailing her arms, shouting.  It was reported that the woman sitting in the car had two items in her hands.  In one hand she held a cell phone, in the other a .38 caliber handgun.  The woman outside her car violently cursed at the lady behind the wheel, then abruptly spit in her face.  The disrespected woman sitting behind the steering wheel suddenly answered back with a bullet and shot the stranger dead.  Two decent, hardworking women, one dead, the other facing murder charges.  The one who fired the gun was five minutes from her home.  She could have made a call for help with her cell phone...she had a choice.

How to Keep Your Cool

When you find yourself getting angry, it is time to take immediate action.  It only takes 90 seconds to defuse your anger if you take the following steps:

1.  Rate your anger on a 10 point scale.-A rating of 1-3 means you're irritated, 4-6 means you're mad, and 7-10 means you're in a rage.

2.  Keep yourself from reacting immediately-reacting in anger is what gets you in trouble.  Try responding instead-by being thoughtful, deliberate, and in control of your actions.

3.  Give yourself time-emotions are transient.  They will pass.  Time is on your side.

4.  Relax-take a deep breath or count to ten.

5.  Analyze your anger-Who are you angry at?  Is this where you want to lose your cool?  Why are you angry?  Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause?

6.  Give yourself three options (consider the consequences of each): let it pass, respond with a vengeance, or walk away initially but return later to discuss why you were angry.

7.  Now respond-at this point, you're more likely to respond to your anger in a constructive way.

8.  Reward yourself for exercising wisdom.

ANGER WORKSHOP

What is the Purpose of Your anger?  When you feel affirmed or understood or accepted or bonded-you do not feel anger.  Your inner self says, ALL IS WELL!  Anger comes when you feel that your personal boundaries have been violated.

     Anger is defined as an intent to preserve PERSONAL WORTH-anger is ignited when we perceive rejection or invalidation.  Whether or not that is the message intended by the speaker, the angry person feels that his or her dignity has been demeaned.  Christ offers great hope to those whose worth is not acknowledged by others.  Consider Jesus' parable in Matthew 13:45-46. "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it."  This parable is God's willingness to give all that He has for one single soul.

     Anger is an emotion that alerts within us an intent to preserve our ESSENTIAL NEEDS-When our essential needs are not addressed or when they are invalidated, the result is emotional turmoil.  We feel hurt and/or angry.  An angry person may protest: "Can't anyone understand who I am?  I've got legitimate issues that you should care about."  Unmet needs feed anger!  Philippians 4:19 tells us, "And MY God shall supply ALL your NEED according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."  We have to remind ourselves of the needs that ARE met in our life.

     Anger occurs when our BASIC CONVICTIONS are challenged-It is difficult to know how to manage feeling of anger when our convictions are violated.  In Chapter 8 of 1 Corinthians Paul addresses angry disputes among church members in verse 1 he says, "Knowledge puffs up.  It is possible, he explained, to be so filled with good opinions that those opinions seem to give justification for unloving outbursts-being right can lead to being wrong."  Balance is found when anger is linked to a reasonable issue and is communicated in a proper manner.